I had a dream that Daddy and I were medical students and we were taking some sort of refresher course at the hospital when I started flat-lining. Daddy didn’t move. I was able to talk a little and I asked him to put some sort of pads on me to save me. He didn’t seem like he wanted to me to die, but it was almost like he didn’t know what to do and he wasn’t panicking about it either. It was as though he had peace about me dying.
So, when I woke up it got me wondering: Have I touched enough lives in my lifetime so that I have left some sort of a mark in this world? And does that even matter? I have complete faith in God’s plan, but if it came down to me knowing I was going to heaven tomorrow, would I be okay with all I have done, and all I have left undone?
I know my family loves me, and if I died of course they would grieve, but once that time of grief ends, then what? Would Monkey really know how much I loved her? Would Caterpillar? Would Daddy? Surely Caterpillar is so little that he wouldn’t remember me no matter how hard he tried. Would their lives be easier without me? No one would like to admit that they would, but honestly if the tables were turned, from a non-emotional standpoint at this point in the game, life would be easier. Again, that’s from a black and white, non-emotional perspective. Obviously life doesn’t work that way, but for arguments sake that’s the way the question is posed.
I guess the whole point of my verbal vomit this morning, is this: How do you know when you’ve done, said and loved enough to never be forgotten? And do you believe there is ever enough, or is it something that we should never be at peace with?Read More
On Saturday we were blessed to have the opportunity to serve in a part of the Denver community that is small, but powerful. The area known as Sun Valley is made up of about 1500 people, and of those 1500 about 1000 are children.
This year we participated in feeding them a Thanksgiving meal, and I know I am definitely coming back for seconds.Read More
This week hasn’t been much fun with Caterpillar. For his birthday, he got all four molars. He’s been a drooly, cranky and snotty. (As in snot, not snob… some people confuse the two.)
Since the holidays are right around the corner, and Caterpillar got lots of new toys for his birthday, we decided to redo the toy room to accommodate the new toys. We also knew it was a good time to make some donations because the economy remains pretty lousy, and a lot of families are hurting.
This has taken me a couple of days to reorganize and sanitize with one hand, as my other hand is needed to hold the 25 lb previously mentioned drooly, cranky, snotty baby.
While we were making our way, my patience was starting to run thin. Every morning I would find myself praying for patience, because day after day of a baby screaming was starting to wear me down. Some people are ‘baby’ people and it doesn’t bother them one bit. God did not create me that way. By the time Daddy comes home, I am spent, and it’s been all I can do to not lash out at him. Not because he’s done anything wrong, but simply because he’s here, and breathing and over the age of four.
However, yesterday, we had a break in the storm. Caterpillar had calmed down, and was playing sweetly with his blocks on the floor. It was only in this moment of silence that I noticed how beautiful the light is up there. We have lived here over three years, but for whatever reason I have never really spent enough time during the day to notice the lighting. But, that day, in the quiet, I noticed.
I snuck downstairs and grabbed my camera. I started shooting pictures as fast as I could, knowing the time would likely be limited.Read More
As many of you who have been hanging around a while know, my birthdays are usually somewhat craptacular. I don’t know if it’s the time of year, and people are starting to get stressed about the upcoming holiday season, if it’s the change in seasons or what – but even Daddy will tell you, something crazy usually happens on my birthday.
Well, I don’t want to jinx it, because technically my birthday is tomorrow, but so far this year we are off to a great start!
Years ago, I lost a link charm bracelet. I was heartbroken. I’d had it since before Monkey was born, and each charm meant so much to me. I kept telling Daddy not to replace it, as I was sure it would eventually turn up in the house or something. (more…)Read More